ROCK Ní ROLL WILL NEVER DIE Nah Iím sorry but look Iím sorry but Rock ní Roll? Rock ní Roll will never die Itís going nowhere Itís here to stay What are you, fucking stupid? Iím sorry but nah youíre fucking high If you think that rock ní roll will ever die Youíre cracked up out of your fucking mind Nah Ďcause Rock Ďn Roll is here to stay It will never go away Look at Def fucking Lepard Drummerís got one fucking arm Look at the fucking Stones Theyíve been around for forty fucking years Look at fucking Guns and Roses Need I say more Nah Ďcause Iím sorry but look Iím sorry but Nah but Iím sorry but Rock Ďn Roll is not moving Itís going nowhere Itís here to stay.
THE SANDBOX And I would go And I would go everyday almost to the sandbox And Ďcause I loved the sandbox so much And Ďcause I had my pail and shovel And shovel And I would play in the sandbox And it would be so much fun And I would make mountains in the sand And I would have so much fun And and but one day I went to the sandbox And it was so sad And I cried and I cried because Someone took a doody in my sandbox Someone took a doody in my sandbox And that was so bad And that was so disgusting And how could they do that And and that was so bad And and and I didnít see it And and I sat right down in it And it felt squishy and I got up And I cried and I cried and I cried And why didnít they clean up after themselves And why didnít they clean up the mess And now my pants are dirty And Iím crying and Iím crying and Iím crying And Iím never going back to the sandbox again And I hate everybody.SENSITIVE ARTIST I am a sensitive artist. Nobody understands me because I am so deep. In my work, I make allusions to books that nobody else has read, music that nobody else has heard; and art that nobody else has seen. I canít help it because I am so much more intelligent and well-rounded than everyone who surrounds me. I stopped watching tv when I was six months old because it was so boring and stupid, and started reading books and going to recitals and art galleries. I donít go to recitals any more, because my hearing is too sensitive, and I donít go to art galleries any more because there are people there and I canít deal with people because they donít understand me. I stay at home, reading books that are beneath me and working on my work, which no one understands. I am sensitive.
JESUS WAS WAY COOL Jesus was way cool. Everybody liked Jesus. Everybody wanted to hang out with him. Anything he wanted to do he did. He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to, he could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine, or vitamin pills into amphetamines. He walked on the water and swam on the land. He would tell these stories and people would listen. He was really cool. If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his hands on you and you would be healed. Thatís so cool. He could have played guitar better than Hendrix. He could have told the future. He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world. He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretsky. He could have danced better than Barishnikof. Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of. Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood. Thatís so cool. Jesus was so cool. But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him. But then he rose from the dead! He rose from the dead, danced around and went up to heaven. I mean, thatís so cool. Jesus was so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.
PAIN AND PLEASURE a little pain never hurt anybody i think it makes people even stronger pain, self-denial - makes people stronger pleasure, self-gratification - makes people weaker and it is better to be stronger than weakeeer therefore pain is better than pleasure self-denial is better than self-gratification but these concepts are inextricably linked you canít have one without the other if any of these things are good, they all are. this implies the concept of good which implies the existence of evil uh-oh!
TO WALK AMONG THE PIGS To walk among the pigs To go where the pigs go and do as the pigs do To inhale the pungent stench of the pigs and truly savor the scent To sing the song of the pigs To build up a rapport, to be one with the pigs To work shoulder to shoulder with the pigs on pig like projects To sweat like a pig and then realize that pigs never sweat To wallow in the mud with the pigs To experience absolutely all that pigness entail To hear, To see, To feel like a pig To think, eat and smell like a pig To comprehend completely what it is to be a pig To fully understand that you and the pigs and all other things in the universe are of the same ilk And then... To weed out all non pig things, to fully cultivate and allow to blossom the flower that is the pig within your soul And to finally stand alone, in the garden of the Absolute and pray and pray and prey like a pig
GARY AND MELISSA Gary and Melissa loved to make love Loved to make love Loved to make love Over and over and over again For the first few weeks of their relationship, they fucked four or five times a night. They were really turned on for a while Then, to heighten their passion, They bought sex books: The Joy of Sex, The Sensuous Couple The Joy of Sex Part II, The Kama Sutra, Even More Joy of Sex, Popular Mechanics, Betty Crocker Anything They tried as many positions as they were capable of Physically Physically Physically They were really turned on for a while Then, to heighten their passion, They bought sex toys: Ben Wah Balls, French Ticklers Nipple clamps, Cock Rings Bowling Balls, Dildos, Vibrators Watermelons Commemorative Statuettes of Liberty Anything They were really turned on for a while They set up a video camera and taped themselves having sex Then they watched it on the VCR while having more sex Then, to heighten their passion, Gary taped Melissa having sex with some of his friends And Melissa taped Gary having sex with some of her friends They watched it on the VCR while having more sex. They were really turned on As the years went by, Gary and Melissa became fine, upstanding members of their community Although they never married, their relationship outlasted all the marriages on their block And they never fought, except to heighten their passion They made an agreement that when one of them died, The other would continue to live with and make love to the corpse, But as luck would have it, They were both killed in a freak accident And died at the exact same moment, holding hands.